Jenn,

I have a thought about this. When my daughter was an infant, I went through the same thing, but the lack of sleep was accompanied with crying (hers and mine). We were told she had colic. I won't even go into that except to say that no, she did not. The pediatrician later ascertained that my daughter must be allergic to cow's milk and switched her to a soy-formula. He said if it was an allegy, it would take about a week before we saw a difference. We saw an immediate difference.

She wasn't actually allergic to dairy, but switching to soy formula definitely stopped the crying sleepless nights. She became a happy cooing baby and slept through the night.

It wasn't until a few years later that I read that most infants have a hard time digesting cows milk because their digestive systems are not yet mature enough. -- Alas, if only we had known this, then, those first few months of sleepless nights, and discomfort, could have been avoided.

Hope this helps.

Blessings to you and yours,
Pam (Mom of daughter now attending T.C.U.)

A wise person once said, you can't spoil a baby before they're six months old.
Unfortunately, this means not a lot of sleep for mom. 8%??? Most babies I've known (and I've known my fair share of babies) didn't sleep throug the night at 4.5 months. It's not abnormal.
Give it a couple more months. (It meaning the sleeping schedule, I'm not calling your baby an "it".) Good luck.

Hey J,
My mother told me should would add a bit of baby cereal to my bottle, swish it around to help dissolve the stuff a bit, and that the cereal would help me sleep-something about carbs or haviing more calories to last longer between feedings?
Anyway, I dont' know if you bottle feed yet but perhaps this could be a suggestion for the future?
Good luck!!!

Nyquil. Lots and lots of Nyquil. :P

Well, we have a 3.5 month baby girl who also does not sleep through the night, and I feel for you. We are breastfeeding, and have gotten lots of "advice" from everyone.
But I'm sure you have too.
Anyway, one way I have been able to squeeze out 4 hours of sleep has been a "swaddle me" micro-fleece blanket type thing (From Babies R Us). Swaddling with just a regular blanket doesn't work for us, so this is perfect. With the velcro tabs it is hard for her to work her way out of it. Maybe your baby boy is waking himself up with moving, if it's eating...then I guess I can't really offer any advice because I have read all the same books and found them to be little more than interesting reading.
I have just recently figured out how to feed laying down on my side, and it helps add a little more sleep time, though who can truly relax with someone pulling at your nipple?

jen-
i second the nursing in bed, on your side... it's a great way to pass out...

hugs from little mcgood and i. :)

Where did you get this 8% figure?

I think maybe *maybe* 20% of the kids I knew when my guy was that age (and I hung out constantly at the birth center/community center so I didn't lose my sanity, so I talked to dozens of moms) slept 5 hours in a row at that age.

I cannot imagine that 92% of 4.5-month-olds sleep 5 hours at a stretch unless they have been drugged or left to CIO so long that they just give up. Maybe Weissbluth, et al. want you to believe that to sell you their methods, but it's just not true with the babies I've known.

(BTW, I loved the No-Cry Book, but I also did what she said with keeping the charts and being very systematic about it, so maybe that's what did it for me.)

Anyway, here's what popped into my head:
1) You know you can drink now? Not like you can get trashed, but a glass of wine every night isn't going to hurt you or the baby at this stage of development.
2) Have you tried raising the head of his sleeping surface? Some kids can have very slight, undiagnosed reflux, that really only bugs them when they're trying to sleep flat at night. Raising their heads up so the acid doesn't go up and wake them up can sometimes do the trick.
3) Your not being able to fall asleep sounds a little bit like the beginnings of PPD. If you're not taking flax seed oil, start now. The PPD-preventing dose is 2 T a day (or 2 1,000 mg capsules, which are easier to deal with than taking the actual oil). I don't know what your support system is like, but it will probably also help to hang out with moms with other kids around the same age so you can see that it's not just you.

If I think of anything else I'll be back.

I don't have kids, but I have heard a lot from my coworkers' experiences. They are the dads who took the first month off to help their wife. One of them has suggested the following:

1) Make sure there's nothing wrong with your baby
2) As soon as you put down the baby for sleep and he seems to be stablized, leave him alone and keep the room quiet. You might hear him start crying. Let him... My coworker took the advice from the nurse they had that most babies won't cry more than 15 minsutes and they get tired then go to sleep. It is really difficult in the beginning cuz it's your baby. Once you are through, you can have some sleep.
3) In order to train him for a full sleep no matter it's 4, 6 or 8 hours, you have to be on clock too. If you have to feed him every 4 hours, no matter he is asleep or not, wake him up and feed him. This is painful cuz you don't want to disturb. However, once he is on schedule, your life will be much easier. The same with 6 or 8 hour pattern. Of course, you have to do this with the same technique with sleep training together.

My coworker's wife is a working mom with a fairly high level position so she had to go back to work 3 months after the child birth. My coworker is at the higher position of our company so he needs to come back for work too. Their experience was successful so I hope this could help you.

RE: Fat, freaking zombie

If you just have the urge to crunch something, I'll tell ya what worked for me: Sonic Drive-in's "ice." It's small and soft, but still crunchy. It helped me lose the 15 pounds I had set as my goal. You'll satisfy the need to crunch without consuming calories. They sell it by the bag -- same size as any store that sells ice (5-pounds, I think).

I'm now happily addicted to the stuff, and keep a couple bags in the freezer at all times. Whatever works.

About the baby: Lifting the head of the mattress a notch sounds like a good idea. If he or she is having any digetion problems, the baby will be spitting up more than the norm. That's an indicative sign.

It would stand to reason that a baby would not sleep well if he is not getting enough to eat. -- Weight normal for height, age? You might ask your pediatrician if he/she recommends supplimenting with a little diluted baby cereal.

Best Wishes,
Pam

noone else has mentioned this, but you may want to try letting your baby sleep with you all night. i imagine it's a taboo subject (spoiling the baby etc), but i did it from day 1 when Glen was born (he's now 4 months). i did it out for purely selfish reasons because I wanted to make sure I slept!!! which meant there was no way i was going to get up in the middle of the night to feed a crying baby.
so since Glen was born (at home with a midwife... yes we are hippies), he's slept with us at night and i feed him lying on my side. that way we both fall asleep within minutes. here's the hard part to believe, Glen has ALWAYS slept thru the night! and I mean, we go to bed at 9:30pm and he wakes up at 8am!!!

during the night, he wakes up just enough (with eyes closed) to move his head from side to side looking for "da boob". i feel him moving, so i give him the breast before he starts crying for food. babies are able to doze while nursing. I prop a pillow up behind him so he doesn't flop back on his back while nursing (so you can fall back asleep while he feeds and not have to hold him in position).

my husband and i have had sleep-filled nights every night except for when Glen got sick and a stuffy nose and couldn't breathe/eat and i had to sunction his nose everytime, but that's a different story.

i read in Gale Pryor's book, "nursing mom, working mom," that babies in cribs wake up crying because they instinctively know they are helpless creatures, so they cry for help when they realize they are left alone in a dark empty room. when the baby is snuggled between two warm bodies, he feels safe that no predator can come get him... that's what this book says. and you figure no other culture uses cribs... for good reason.
as for sex, well, there are more rooms in the house than the bedroom and so as baby's sleeping in, we can sneak out and frolick somewhere else!

this is a controversial method, i'm sure (the co-sleeping, not the sex in another room...). but all i can say is sleep is so important to you and your baby, why not try it for a year? when people tell us, "oh, you'll never get him out of your bed later," my husband jokes, "well, i'm sure when he hits 18 he'll get sick of it!"
we're just taking it one day at a time....

good luck!!!
carol

Hi! I've been reading your site for some time now. Hope you won't mind if I link you up to mine ^_^ If it bothers you, just let me know.

Just wanted to give you some encouragement--it gets easier!

And if possible, though it takes a lot of discipline not to rush around trying to get things done, when the baby naps during the day, lay down and put your feet up and rest. Helps a lot. I didn't actually follow this "sleep when the baby sleeps" advice until I had my 4th--we all hear it but don't believe it, it seems. *grin*

A friend with 5 kids swears by baby foot massages with lavendar oil. Sounds like it's not up your alley, but it's worth a try.

I've got to respectfully disagree with Anita about letting baby cry and feeding only every four hours. That does not line up with what we know about infant stomach size, digestion, growth, and calorie needs. And the crying? Well, there's a lot of research that indicates it's a lot more harmful to cry-to-sleep than other methods.

I found a combination of having baby in a bassinet/pack-n-play in our room and cosleeping/nursing without fully waking worked well for our family. A lot of families are nervous about that before trying it, but then finds it works well.

My baby just reached the 4 month mark. I'm not sweating the "sleep through the night" bench mark (she still wakes up every 2 hours, 3 if I'm lucky, to eat) what ever it may be. I've found that not paying a lot of attention to the clock helps pyschologically. You don't know for sure exactly how much sleep you're losing so it takes a bit of the edge off. Having dad do night duty with junior helps too. You feed the little tyke and then send dad and baby off to another part of the house while you get some shut eye. One or two nights of this can do wonders for ones personality. Having baby sleep in bed with you can save you a lot of sleep too. I know people bug out a lot about this practice in the states but it's pretty nearly the norm in the rest of the world. If all else fails, grit your teeth and bear it for this too shall pass. While you're not getting any sleep fantasize about what life will be like when junior grows up and think of all the fun things you will do together.